Trying to please everyone.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

Signs that show you’re trying to please everyone.

1. You act like the people around you.
2. Follow the same trends everyone follow.
3. Have the same opinion on people/things the others have.
4. You pretend to agree with everyone.
5. Pretend to like the things which others like.
6. You can’t say ‘No’.
7. You are vulnerable to social validation.
8. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

What happens when you try to please others.

1. You end up with the worst of both worlds.

You just can’t please ‘everyone’, If you keep trying to satisfy others, you will never keep up. In the end, you will satisfy neither them nor yourself.

As Abraham Lincoln put it, “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

2. You love yourself less.

It’s very simple. When you wanna please others, we care about a lot of things others care about. When we care about so many things that doesn’t add value to your life, you care less about yourself. When you care less about yourself, you love yourself less. When you love yourself less, you don’t grow. You’re just an average loser.

We grow only when we care about ourselves and love ourselves. Don’t care about the things you can’t control, just care about the things you can control.

3. You say ‘YES’, when your subconscious mind says ‘NO’.

It’s called Altruism. In your efforts to make others happy, you do things out of obligation rather out of genuine interest or desire. Why do we do this? Because we don’t have our own boundaries. Will talk about that in a moment.

4. You end up with fewer friends

I mean actual friends, who are there for you and care for you. How? It’s simply because you can’t please everyone, just like I spoke about earlier. When we try to please everyone, our worth is tied to pleasing others and we don’t have our own authenticity. Hence, our personality becomes impure and we aren’t ‘lovable’ as you would say it.

How to stop pleasing others.

I hope these tips can help you cure your disease to please.

Setting boundaries and living up to your own authenticity.

Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.

Christine Morgan

Boundaries are limits we set with ourselves around what we will or will not tolerate from people. If we don’t set boundaries for ourselves, when we cross the line, we get hurt.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.

Henry Cloud

Boundaries can help you be more authentic and be more you.

Learn to say ‘NO’

The common chapter I see in most of the self help books are ‘How to say NO’

The biggest mistake we all can make isn’t not saying no, but rather how we say no.

There is a big difference between “can’t” and “don’t want to”. Let’s take an example :

Can’t

1. “I can’t come to the concert”

2. “I can’t talk to you right now”

Saying “can’t” makes the receiver push you on your boundaries and say things like “But why?”, “I promise it’ll be quick”, “Just come for a little bit”.

Don’t

1. “I don’t want to come to the concert”
2. “I don’t want to talk right now”

Saying “can’t” seems like you’re giving an excuse, But saying “don’t” establishes a clean boundary, making you sound much more confident and clear in your intentions.

But you can’t say “I don’t want to” in all situations as it might sound a bit harsh or it might not suit the flow of the conversation. You may say “Can’t/Don’t” with a strong reason if you have. It’ll sound more polite.

A 2012 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” allowed participants to gracefully exit unwanted commitments.

The next time you have an obligation you don’t want to do, just say “I don’t.”

These days, I see so many people who find it hard to be different than others and some are even worse that they don’t even feel that they are doing any bad and just deny to articles like this. If you are considering to be different and healthy than others, it might look hard but please don’t hesitate.